


Smexy Slytherin

by kiwichi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cute, Fluff, M/M, all that jazz, angsty severus, cursing, cute remus, glow up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-04-29 23:38:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14483721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwichi/pseuds/kiwichi
Summary: This is basically a joke fanfic about Severus getting a make over and James falling in love. It's not that great but whatever. I'm cool with constructive criticism about my writing. :>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope ya'll enjoy this lil fic  
> it's not done but I'm workin on it ;)
> 
> Disclaimer- I own none of these characters rip

Severus POV:

I make my way up from the dungeons, my black school robes billowing behind me. Lily and I have started spending our weekends in the room of requirement, sometimes even spending the night. We stumbled across it when looking for a place to hide from McGonagall after breaking an ancient statue. I would long for the end of the week where I could escape from reality for awhile with Lily. After a week of relentless bullying from the marauders, I go to what i call my "in real life heaven." I quickly stalk towards the room of requirement, carefully avoiding teachers and students. I look around for any witnesses and slip through the door. Lily was laying on one of the many fluffy cushions scattered across the room. She looks up from the book in her hand and gives a gentle smile. "Hello Sev, snacks?" She waves a bag of crisps in my direction. "Hey, sure." I grab the bag of salty deliciousness from her hand and plop down on the cushion beside her. "What are you reading?" She brandishes the cover, "How to get a guy to like you." She chuckles, and I scowl. "It was a joke gift from one of the girls, it's quite hilarious." She starts reading out the most ridiculous tips. She suddenly stops reading and looks me up and down. "what?" I ask her with a defensive tone. "What if we tried out some of these makeover tips, just for fun," She smirks. "Lily no, I refuse to stoop that low," I start scooting away as she advances on me. "Come on Sev, it'll be fun I swear," she whines. I succumb to her puppy eyes, "fine." Her eyes light up, "Yes! Thank you, this is going to be so much fun!" I roll my eyes as she drags me up and out of the room.

"Alright, first we have to make the room fit for a makeover," we sit in silence for a few minutes as she concentrated on conjuring up the perfect room. "Ok!" She finally says, "it should be perfect!" we opened the door tentatively. Lily did a great job on the place, it looked like a salon but homier. It had cushy armchairs in the corner and a vanity fully equipped for a mega makeover. "Let's get started!" She thumbed through the book until she found the right page and plopped it on the vanity. "Now before we start, I like you just the way you are, this is just for fun, Got it?" I'm startled by her sudden confession, "uh.. ya.. Ok" She smiles brightly, "Ok lets start with your hair. Come come." She beckons me with her hand towards the sink. After an hour of lily deep scrubbing my scalp and then using a drying spell we succeeded in phase one. My hair felt soft and silky and I'll have to admit, it looks better than it ever has. Lily tied it up in what she calls a "man-bun" and we proceed to phase two. She straightens out and whitens my teeth with a some cosmetic spell and then fixes my oily skin. "You know maybe if you didn't slave away over potions you wouldn't sweat so much." She giggles and picks up the book and flips to the next chapter. "Alright let's fix that attitude and posture." It was nearly 2:00am when she finally decided that we were done. "Perfect, you look amazing." She gazes proudly at her work. "Great, can we go to sleep now, we have class tomorrow." I moan. "Haha, alright." We cuddle up in an armchair and drift of to sleep.

Lily and I wake up in tangle of limbs. "Come on Sev, we gotta get to breakfast," Lily fixes her robes and walks over towards me and starts pulling at my hair. "Ow, bloody hell what are you doing!" She continues to run her fingers through my freshly washed hair. "I'm fixing it, your hair is a mess after sleeping." After she re-establishes the bun we gather our bags and make our way to the great hall. "Bye Sev, see you in class!" She winks then makes her way through the doors. I feel a pit in my stomach, god I hope nobody looks at me. As soon as I walked through the doors I could feel people staring at me from all directions. I remember my training from Lily and swagger over to the Slytherin table.


	2. He f*cked up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some James action bois

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really bad at summaries if you can't tell  
> welcome to chapter two where we dive into James' thoughts and actions  
> also sorry this chapter is so short  
> Disclaimer- again I don't own any of these characters no matter how much I wish I did.

James POV:

The marauders and I make our way to the great hall for breakfast. Wormtail and Moony are in a deep discussion about the O.W.L.S. and Padfoot is eyeing some fifth years. I roll my eyes and open the grand doors; whilst scanning the room for Lily Evans I spot an unfamiliar sight. "Woah, where'd the hot guy come from," I say pointing in the direction of the Slytherin table. "Really James, a slytherin. You really are a man whore," Sirius laughs and elbows me in the side. "I'm gonna go introduce myself," I start to swagger towards the slimy slytherins. "Good luck mate!" Sirius yells back at me.

I approach the unknown figure, rustling my hair for that "I just had sex" look. They guy had silky black hair that was tied up in a neat bun and a pale skinny figure. The surrounding Slytherins looked at me with a disgusted expression as I tapped the mystery boy's shoulder. I start saying "Hey-" He turns around, "What the fuck do you want Potter?" My stomach dropped, I recognized that voice. It was the infamous Snape. I turn around and start gagging. " Well fuck you too!" He yells, but I ran for the doors before he could get another word out.

I cannot believe that I, James Potter, considered Snape to be fuckable. I wanted to curl up and die right then and there. The marauders came dashing through the door. "What happened, did he reject you?" Remus sounded worried. "It was Snape," I mumble. "What?" Sirius started to move closer. "IT WAS FUCKING SEVERUS SNAPE," I shout. Sirius doubles over laughing like a madman. "Holy shit mate what have you done?" He says in between fits of giggles. "Shut up," My head was in my hands as I contemplated the many ways I could kick Sirius' ass at the moment. Remus comes over and pats me on the shoulder, "It's okay, it was an honest mistake." I could tell he was holding back laughter. "I'm going back to the dorms.." As I get up Remus grabs my shoulder. "There is no way in hell I'm letting you skip class over a boy. Man up and get your ass to Potions." Sirius chuckled and put his arm around Remus, " I like this assertive side of you," he says in a seductive tone. "Both of you! Get to class, I have to get to Arithmancy." Remus shuffled up the steps and Sirius and I made our way to the potions room.


	3. wtf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So basically Snape is confused ya that's it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so damn long, I plan to get out a few more chapters soon
> 
> Also thank you for all the kudos! ^-^

Severus' POV:

"What the fuck was that about?" I mumbled to himself. I continue to attack my plate of eggs with my fork. When I looked up I noticed a few Slytherin girls in a group whispering and looking back at me. I flushed and looked down at my plate. Just then Lucius Malfoy plops down beside me and starts piling his plate with pastries. Most people don't know that the great esteemed Malfoy has a huge sweet tooth. I look over at Narcissa who is already eye-fucking him. I swear that girl has no subtlety. Malfoy ignores her stares and looks back at me, "So...you've changed." I look back at him, "Ya, Lily forced me into a makeover." Malfoy chuckles, " I'll have to agree with the mudblood that it was well overdue." I winced at his use of words, but I know better than to say something about it. I quickly stuff the last of my food in my mouth and mumble something about not wanting to be late for potions to escape the awkward silence.

I weave my way through the corridors and down the dungeon steps trying to ignore the hungry eyes of my peers. Did I really look that different. I shuffle into the classroom only to find that I wasn't the first one there. Potter and Black were sitting together at one of the back tables. Sirius was in a fit of giggles and James was sulking with his head in his hands. I rushed to a seat on the other side of the classroom hoping to avoid confrontation. Other students started pouring in through the doors until all the seats were filled.

Professor Slughorn waltzed into the room and began to explain how to brew a potion to cure chickenpox. He then says something that fills me with dread. " You will be working with someone from the opposite house and I'll be picking partners." Slughorn smiled foolishly. Nobody from my own house ever wants to work with me, now I have to deal with a Gryffindor complaining. The Professer began listing off pairs, "Black and Alabazar, Pettigrew and Corpa..." The list went on and on until, "Potter and Snape." My eyes widen, "oh shit." Potter didn't seem to enthused either as he sulked over and sat down next to me. "Alright class, the instructions are on the board you have thirty minutes." Slughorn said in a cheery voice.

"Okay Potter Don't touch anything I'm not getting a bad grade because of you," I spat. He just scooched his chair back and nodded his head. "What no snarky remark?" I ask in a less than pleasant tone. He just shrugs, What on earth was wrong with him. "Humph," I turn back to the cauldron with a simmering shiny purple liquid brewing inside. I asked Potter to fetch some more ingredients and he obliged without a fight. He looked like someone kicked his puppy with all the sulking hes doing. I Chose to ignore it and before we knew thirty minutes past. I quickly bottled up the now baby blue bubbling potion and placed it on Slughorn's desk. I was satisfied knowing I'd definitely be getting an O and went back to my desk to retrieve my things.

As I was heading out the potion room door someone grabbed my forearm. I whipped around to Find James Potter. "Hey so um what happened to you? You look sort of....different." God first Lucius now Potter. "Nothing happened now if you'll please let me go I need to get to transfiguration." Potter turned bright red and quickly let go of my arm. I sped all the way to Class attempting to get as far away from Potter as possible.


	4. confused stag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHHH I feel so bad for not updating in forever, school hit me like a storm ;-;. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I promise more will be coming out soon now that I have some free time. 
> 
> Anyways welcome to chapter four in which James is in complete denial, enjoy.

James' POV: 

I stood in shock as I watched Snape quickly shut the door. I don't know why but my stomach felt all bubbly. "Probably just some bad orange juice..." I murmured to myself. A slap on my back woke me out of my thoughtful state. It was Sirius, "Oh to be in love.." he wipes a fake tear from his eye, "my little boy's growing up." He turns around and starts dramatically fake sobbing. "Oh shove it you arse I'm NOT in love with that slimy git. I just find him conventionally attractive..." There was a long pause. "Holy shit did I just say that?" Sirius smirks evilly, "you suure did." Oh Merlin this is has got to be the worst day of my life.

The rest of the day proved to be fruitless as to all I could think about was that damn Slytherin. I mean it's not like I'm attracted to his personality, god no, just his face. There isn't anything wrong with how I am feeling. I stumble up the stairs as I make my way to the dorm, still trying to rationalize my feelings. I walk into my dorm room to see Sirius and Remus attacking each other with their mouths. "It's about time," I threw my stuff down and flop onto my bed. The two lovebirds separated and began sputtering out an explanation. "Really guys there's no need, it's about time you resolve all that sexual tension, but if you don't mind can you do it somewhere else I'd like to sleep off today's events." They both quickly scurry of to continue their make out session and I begin to mull over this awful day. "blegh, I just want this day to be over." I roll over onto my side, snuggle myself under the covers, and begin to drift asleep. 

I awoke to my three best friends staring me down. "good morning sleeping beauty," Sirius cackled, "it's noon." Shit, I slept half the day away, I suddenly remember yesterdays events and flush. I then notice a plate resting in Remus's lap. He held the plate out to me, " Hey we saved you some breakfast, we didn't know how long you were going to sleep." I carefully grabbed the plate out of Remus's hand and thanked him with a smile. "Oh, and we saw your boyfriend surrounded by a bunch of gushing girls this morning, he looked like a scared puppy," Sirius laughed. I felt the heat rise to my face once more. "For the last time Sirius I. DO. NOT. LIKE. SEVERUS. FUCKING. SNAPE!" I slapped Sirius's arm. " Awe, but you guys would make such a cute couple!" Sirius joked. I finished the rest of my food with anger then shot out of bed. "If you will excuse me, I'm going to go shower." Sirius plugged his nose and waved his hand in the air, "ya man you really need one." everyone shot into a fit of giggles I swear I'm living with toddlers.


	5. Sirius's Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short lil chapter from Sirius's perspective on how him and the gang are going to get James and Sev together ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey errybody I'm back and I bring a new chapter. This one is short and sweet but the next one will be much longer

Sirius' POV:

Sirius organized a family meeting between him, Remus, and Peter in the Gryffindor dorm. "Okay team its time to figure out a plan." Sirius was jumping around full of energy. Remus rolled his eyes, "Sweetheart can you please explain what on earth is going on?" The raven haired boy grinned devilishly, " We, my handsome pup, are going to to get Prongs and Snivellus to date," Sirius looked satisfied with his answer. "That... is truly and awful idea," Remus stated. Peter looked nervous, like he always did when Sirius was planning something. "Okay, so we need to find a way to force these two to be near each other. Our best bet is potions." Sirius announced in confidence. "Sirius we can't meddle in James's love life its wrong morally." The werewolf began to fiddle with his sleeves, as he did when he was getting annoyed. "no no no no, hear me out, James neeeeds this okay? He's been pining after Lily for so long and she obviously doesn't return his feelings, but Snape might!" Sirius had a hopeful glint in his eye. "I see the way they look at each other Remus, they gots to bang, and soon." Peter and Remus consecutively made a face in disgust. "Okay if it'll shut you up well help you and your dumb plan." Sirius smiled, "Great, so..." Sirius then talked.... and talked.... and talked... and talked. The plan wasn't very complicated and the three of them were determined to reach their goal. James then walked into the dorm room to see his three best friends huddled together mumbling about something. "uhh guys whats going on?" Sirius shot up, "oh uh nothing, just some studying," he gave and awkward laugh.


End file.
